My Journey to Abstinence: The 5 Spiritual Disciplines That Saved Me

When I decided to live a life of abstinence, I was in my mid 20s. I didn’t grow up in church. I already had a child from being a Teen Mom, was divorced, and found out I had an STD. 

All before 25.

Not your likely candidate for a “True Love Waits” poster, but God!

I had no idea I had the option of saying no to sexual stuff. I thought once I wasn’t a virgin anymore, I didn’t have the “right”.

I got my relationship advice from my friends and music.

If you’re reading this because you are like I was, tired of not getting what you want out of a relationship even after being sexual with people, and wanting to make things right with yourself, God, and relationships, I see you.

Today I want to share exactly what helped me find wholeness in God through my journey in abstinence (even when I had no idea where to start).

Click here for Prayers for Purity (Coming Soon!)

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What You’ll Learn

• My real journey in abstinence
• Why purity matters
• 5 spiritual practices you can start today to start your journey in abstinence
• Encouraging truths from Scripture

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My Story

Like I said, I didn’t grow up in church. I didn’t know how or that I even needed to be pure. 

I was having a conversation with my new church friend, and she told me she was with her boyfriend for 5 years and they never had sex.

I never heard of such a thing. 

She explained why, her love and commitment to Jesus Christ. That’s when I decided I was going to wait for marriage until I had sex again, so I started my journey in abstinence.

Again, I was divorced, a single Mom, in my mid 20s, and shortly after becoming a Christian I found out I got an STD. My behavior hadn’t caught up to my faith yet. This is why I urge people to get this area right fast! God’s boundaries save you.

“Who would want me now?” That was the question I had. Sex had led me into all kinds of heartache.

“I want you.” I heard that very clearly and it was The Lord speaking. However, He had to teach me.

This was the beginning of my abstinence journey. I had to learn Who He was in order to know who I was to lead me to who I was becoming.

Choosing to live a life of abstinence in my mid 20s was pretty unheard of.

I’ve preached and taught sexual purity for close to 20 years now. My friend got married to her boyfriend and they have 4 children. I got married and had two more children. 

There was sex that led to destruction and sex that led to blessings.

Here’s some of what I learned.

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The Struggle Is Real

Purity isn’t old-fashioned. It’s God-fashioned. 

Purity matters. If it matters to God, it should matter to me.

The world and the church has had a lot to say about purity and purity culture. In the last decade, both have had such negative things to say about it and didn’t uplift the positive and Godly aspects of it.

Yes, there are actually positive and Godly aspects of it.

I felt both anger and disappointment in that.

God used my sexual purity journey to help heal and restore me. Before that, I was all over the place. I know the beauty and wholeness that comes from living a life of abstinence.

You can too!

Yes, you can and are called to choose a life of abstinence even if you’re not a virgin.

Yes, you can recommit to purity even if you mess up.

In sharing my testimony, many people have found sexual freedom in abstinence.

I know there is STILL freedom to be found.

Purity may not be trending and seemingly dead, but it’s not.

• Over 100 verses are found in The Bible talking about sexual purity
• Common misconception is purity is only for virgins
• People have misunderstood the application of purity

It’s okay if you’re just starting your journey in abstinence. God will help you.

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5 Spiritual Practices That Helped Me With My Abstinence Journey

1. Commit to God and yourself

Committing to abstinence, is a want that becomes a reality.

I asked ChatGPT some stats on the effects of commitment. Here’s what it gave me:

American Society of Training & Development (ASTD) Data

• Chance of completing a goal if:
  • No commitment: ~10%
  • Conscious decision to do it: ~25%
  • Setting a deadline: ~40%
  • Making a commitment to someone: ~65%
  • Specific accountability appointments: ~95%

Key takeaway: Structured commitment + accountability can increase success rates by up to ~9x over no commitment.

Here’s the biblical backing:

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” (Prov. 16:3)

“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Prov. 15:22)

Also in my ChatGPT research with faith as an added element to commitment, I found something amazing that points to Prov. 16:3.

When you commit to God, Who is your “why”, He sustains the commitment over time. You can also see the inclusion of community jumps the successful level by 9 times!

Therefore, by not only committing to God, but also His people, it brings it beyond yourself. Sometimes, we feel that we can disappoint ourselves. We may be okay with that. However, it becomes something different when we feel like we’ve disappointed God or those He has put in our lives to help us.

2. Community matters

I remember having a friend who was on their journey of abstinence, it failed. The people around mocked their decision, often making jokes about them messing up before they even did, and eventually they did. 

It led them down a destructive journey.

That person’s community spoke death over their decision. Word curses dressed as jokes. They brought death instead of life.

I also know of someone who had a very supportive community. Held her accountable. Met with her often. Guided her. It helped her succeed.

That was me.

Here’s some biblical backing on how important community is:

“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” (Prov. 11:14)

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,” (Psalm 1:1)

Who you have around you is important. Choose wisely.

3. Make a plan

Have a plan before the temptation. It helps sets boundaries beforehand so you can communicate them immediately.

Start answering these questions now BEFORE entertaining a dating situation:

Who do I want as a romantic partner?

Ex. They must love The Lord. (Let this be a non-negotiable)

Boundary: Dating someone who is unequally yoked is not an option. (2 Cor. 6:14)

What settings will I not walk into because it’s too much of a temptation?

Ex. I won’t watch movies alone with them in the dark at my house or theirs.

Boundary: Walking into situations where it may be easy to fall into temptation is not an option. (Rom. 13:14)

When will I communicate my stance in purity?

Ex. I will tell them right from the beginning or share my stance often so I’m truthful to everyone and not leading anyone on to think differently.

Boundary: Not communicating my decision in abstinence is not an option.

Write this plan down as a part of your commitment plan. Share it with your community so they can help keep you accountable.

4. Stay on Kingdom Business
Friends, mentors, even a Christian counselor can help you carry the load.

What do I mean with “kingdom business”?

I mean staying in the things of Jesus Christ.

For example, when I was walking out my abstinence journey, I joined a Young Adult Bible Study, we frequently hung out together as a whole, and I started serving at my church.

I stayed in Kingdom Business.

When you remove a behavior or action, you must replace it with Godly ones. Otherwise, it will be easier to fall back into what you’re trying to change.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Eccl. 4:9-10)

Surround yourself with Godly people and Godly actions, stay on kingdom business.

5. If you mess up, don’t give up!

There were times in my abstinence journey where I had to repent and readjust boundaries.

For instance, hanging out after 10pm wasn’t wise. It often led to kissing a little longer or being tired and making poor judgment calls that could’ve led to compromising our abstinence journey altogether.

There were times when my hubby and I had to tell each other to RUN!

Those were times where we had to repent to God, each other, and our accountability partners.

Don’t give up if you mess up. Repent, readjust boundaries, and stay the course.

The awesome part about the abstinence journey is doing it WITH God and with community. Although it may seem like abstinence should be a private matter, when accompanied with community it leads to success.

Jesus Christ died so we can have new life. Sometimes, it’s a daily practice as well as a whole life changing moment.

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Encouragement from Scripture

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”— Psalm 51:10

Jesus doesn’t shame us (ungodly) but He does convict us (Godly) because He didn’t die on the Cross to leave us in our mess.

Let this be a prayer in our hearts.

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Let’s Talk!

Have you started your abstinence journey?
Share in the comments—Let’s encourage each other.

Want more? [Join our online community.]

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FAQ

Q: What if I don’t believe in Jesus Christ?
A: You can choose today to believe in Him. It’s the power in the Name of Jesus Christ that has given me the ability to be successful in all areas of my life not just with abstinence. I don’t know where I would be today if He didn’t come and save me. Ask Him today for help. 

Q: What if I don’t have a community?
A: Pray! I know there have been many times in my life where I didn’t have a community so I prayed. He delivered every time through opportunities and my obedience in walking certain steps out.

Q: Can I start an abstinence journey even though I’m not a virgin?
A: Absolutely! I did! Nowhere in The Bible does it say you can’t.

If you’re feeling like doing what the world says isn’t cutting it anymore, please know: you’re not alone, and you can choose differently. God sees you. God hears you. Reach out to Him today!

I hope this post gives you hope for real opportunities for you and future relationships rooted in Christ, not sex. [Join my email list for more weekly encouragement.]

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